We've been given an interesting assignment this week for one of the classes: develop a statement which serves as our foundational statement. This is the sentence that would be written on the foundation of our life were it possible to do so. It is the statement that best describes upon what our entire identity is based, around what all our actions revolve--basically it is the motivation behind all that we do.
The next few days will be eye-opening, for sure, as I go about examining my life and developing this sentence. I know what I would like for the sentence to be, but I'm not sure if it fits just yet. I have been thinking about this the past week or so, so I have identified a sentence into which I hope to conform and develop my identity. It is the one to which I try to run every day, and by which I am trying to be guided.
Interestingly enough, this sentence has characterized the path of my life in recent years. The only reason I hesitate to call it my foundational statement just yet is my intentions in those times. Yes it has characterized many of the actions, but has it characterized my intentions, my heart behind those actions? Now that I have identified the statement through God's illumination, I am attempting to let the Spirit conform my identity to it. But I cannot say as yet how far the developing process has come. I know in the next few days much prayer, discussion and examination will shed some light on the subject. "May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all."
"Indeed I count everything as loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord . . . and count them but rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" --Philippians 3:8
23 September 2008
20 September 2008
Forge #5
"Who am I to lead these people?"
Lord you know how many times this question has run through my head. I’ve been wondering that since the day you called me, and I feel even less qualified now than ever. In the midst of these men of God I feel myself the least of them all.
I don’t know when or where it happened, but somewhere along the way I lost my faith in myself. I see almost fully the measure of my faults, and throw myself down in your presence in hopes you will build me p right. I have no talent or skill to offer you, no Isaac to sacrifice, except my life. My life, my energy, my breath are the only things I have to offer you. If any good for the kingdom results from my life it will be by, and because of, your hand. In our group discussion it occurred to me that I consider myself failing in so many areas, as a failure in general. The voice inside my head keeps telling me I’m a failure because of this and that, for so many reasons. I’m tired of feeling like a failure, of feeling not qualified enough, not able enough in anything I do. I know it hinders me, and I don’t want anything to hinder my service of you. Sometimes I shy away from my brothers from feelings of worthlessness, I don’t want to shy away from brotherhood, from godly men because a false sense of humility, from feeling down on myself in an unhealthy, ungodly way. I desire you and a right perspective of myself grounded in Christ.
In the midst of you and your servants here I feel so small. So many of my concerns though are focused on me and how I can’t see myself ever bringing you great glory. I focus on how I can’t write, sing or speak like this man Chewy sitting next to me, and I feel so little and worthless. But this isn’t a true kind of humility. This humility comes from my heart’s desire to be great and renowned. Teach me to be truly humble, in the way that Christ was. Show me how I can bring you glory with my life. Teach me to live for my audience of one. Help me to separate the selfish ambitions and desires of my heart from those put there by you. Fill this hole in my heart, this emptiness I try to satisfy in other ways. Teach me to love as Christ loved, to be a true servant of him and my fellow men.
“Indeed I count everything as loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” --Philippians 3:8a
Lord you know how many times this question has run through my head. I’ve been wondering that since the day you called me, and I feel even less qualified now than ever. In the midst of these men of God I feel myself the least of them all.
I don’t know when or where it happened, but somewhere along the way I lost my faith in myself. I see almost fully the measure of my faults, and throw myself down in your presence in hopes you will build me p right. I have no talent or skill to offer you, no Isaac to sacrifice, except my life. My life, my energy, my breath are the only things I have to offer you. If any good for the kingdom results from my life it will be by, and because of, your hand. In our group discussion it occurred to me that I consider myself failing in so many areas, as a failure in general. The voice inside my head keeps telling me I’m a failure because of this and that, for so many reasons. I’m tired of feeling like a failure, of feeling not qualified enough, not able enough in anything I do. I know it hinders me, and I don’t want anything to hinder my service of you. Sometimes I shy away from my brothers from feelings of worthlessness, I don’t want to shy away from brotherhood, from godly men because a false sense of humility, from feeling down on myself in an unhealthy, ungodly way. I desire you and a right perspective of myself grounded in Christ.
In the midst of you and your servants here I feel so small. So many of my concerns though are focused on me and how I can’t see myself ever bringing you great glory. I focus on how I can’t write, sing or speak like this man Chewy sitting next to me, and I feel so little and worthless. But this isn’t a true kind of humility. This humility comes from my heart’s desire to be great and renowned. Teach me to be truly humble, in the way that Christ was. Show me how I can bring you glory with my life. Teach me to live for my audience of one. Help me to separate the selfish ambitions and desires of my heart from those put there by you. Fill this hole in my heart, this emptiness I try to satisfy in other ways. Teach me to love as Christ loved, to be a true servant of him and my fellow men.
“Indeed I count everything as loss for the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” --Philippians 3:8a
Forge #4
I am continually blown away by the many great friendships I have gained while here, especially in this short time. I feel truly blessed to have them around, for I know I have done nothing in my life to warrant the friendship of such amazing people. It is only by your grace that such fellowship and community have come to me, and I pray you will sustain them. So many great relationships for me have grown distant in recent months, even some of those made this summer, and I don’t want that to happen here. Sustain my friendship with these people, my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Injuries don’t really bother me that much. It can be a bummer at times because of some of the restrictions they place on certain actions, but overall I don’t mind. The main reason I dislike them is I have to sit on the sidelines. You know it is frustrating for me to be a spectator, not to be involved in the action. I don’t like having special attention paid to me because of my injury, and sometimes try to do too much on my own to maintain my self-sufficiency. I deny people the opportunity to bless me through service, and I don’t want to do that. Lord, give me the wisdom to recognize times where I can allow others to honor you through service, and accept it with gratitude and humility.
Injuries don’t really bother me that much. It can be a bummer at times because of some of the restrictions they place on certain actions, but overall I don’t mind. The main reason I dislike them is I have to sit on the sidelines. You know it is frustrating for me to be a spectator, not to be involved in the action. I don’t like having special attention paid to me because of my injury, and sometimes try to do too much on my own to maintain my self-sufficiency. I deny people the opportunity to bless me through service, and I don’t want to do that. Lord, give me the wisdom to recognize times where I can allow others to honor you through service, and accept it with gratitude and humility.
12 September 2008
Forge #3
One of the lessons I hope to be taught by You here is to be intentional about spreading the Word everywhere. Sure, surrounded by the comforting wilderness of Pine Cove I proclaim the Gospel boldly. But is that really being bold? Who is going to attack me here, the squirrels? Who is there to risk my comfort--the wind or the trees? Would I be as willing and eager to proclaim the Gospel to the waitress at Chili's? Or to the man sitting at the bar day after day? Or how about to those who are hurting in the hospital? Will I boldly tell the woman at Chili's that her real service should be to God the Father? To the man at the bar, will I say that what he really thirsts for is not in those spirits, but the Holy Spirit? Would I tell the physically ill they should seek Jesus, the healer of their soul?
I think I have grown too accustomed to, and comfortable in, the fellowship of other Christians. I have forgotten and neglected our calling to be the salt of the earth, to take Christ to the dying. I take for granted the joy it is to be in the presence of Christians. Lord may I never take for granted how great and amazing it is to be here with my fellow classmates, and all the great staff here at Pine Cove. May we be a joy to You, and through that bless each other.
"It is by the grace of God that a congregation is permitted to gather visibly in this world to share God's Word and sacrament." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"But God has put this Word into the mouth of men in order that it may be communicated to other men." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I think I have grown too accustomed to, and comfortable in, the fellowship of other Christians. I have forgotten and neglected our calling to be the salt of the earth, to take Christ to the dying. I take for granted the joy it is to be in the presence of Christians. Lord may I never take for granted how great and amazing it is to be here with my fellow classmates, and all the great staff here at Pine Cove. May we be a joy to You, and through that bless each other.
"It is by the grace of God that a congregation is permitted to gather visibly in this world to share God's Word and sacrament." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"But God has put this Word into the mouth of men in order that it may be communicated to other men." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
"The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Forge #2
"Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." --Philippians 3:8
I just keep staring at this verse today, reading it over and over, hoping that it will become my life sentence. I don't know whether it's You or the Enemy, but I am feeling broken -- not in the usual sense, but in the sense that I just am not working right. I'm not strong enough, faithful enough, wise enough, smart enough--I don't read and study the Bible enough, not focused enough, not disciplined enough. I feel so far from the place where I think you want me, so unprepared to do the task you've set for me and live the life you have for me. How is it possible that through all my blessings I have missed so much you wanted for me? But I am encouraged by Mario Zandstra's words tonight -- you never know how the fabric of your life is woven. Weave away, my God. Weave away.
I just keep staring at this verse today, reading it over and over, hoping that it will become my life sentence. I don't know whether it's You or the Enemy, but I am feeling broken -- not in the usual sense, but in the sense that I just am not working right. I'm not strong enough, faithful enough, wise enough, smart enough--I don't read and study the Bible enough, not focused enough, not disciplined enough. I feel so far from the place where I think you want me, so unprepared to do the task you've set for me and live the life you have for me. How is it possible that through all my blessings I have missed so much you wanted for me? But I am encouraged by Mario Zandstra's words tonight -- you never know how the fabric of your life is woven. Weave away, my God. Weave away.
Forge #1
Who are you? What are you doing here?
I am a man who has been called to service, but I fell inadequate to fulfill that role. I am a man who is searching for fulfillment and love, but I spend too much time looking in the wrong places. I am a child of God, but I do not live up to that name and calling.
I am a man who has spent his whole life putting his confidence in things he could do, abilities he had. I am a man who takes too much of his identity from the words and opinions of people around him.
I want to be more than that -- I want to be strong, I want to be faithful, I want to be . . . I don't even know how to say what I want to be. But I know it's more than what I am right now.
I am a man who has been called to service, but I fell inadequate to fulfill that role. I am a man who is searching for fulfillment and love, but I spend too much time looking in the wrong places. I am a child of God, but I do not live up to that name and calling.
I am a man who has spent his whole life putting his confidence in things he could do, abilities he had. I am a man who takes too much of his identity from the words and opinions of people around him.
I want to be more than that -- I want to be strong, I want to be faithful, I want to be . . . I don't even know how to say what I want to be. But I know it's more than what I am right now.
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